Today is one of those days I woke up, I tried and I just couldn’t. My sleeping pill didn’t work, for whatever reason, so I’m lacking sleep yet suddenly I’m feeling the effects of said narcotic and I’m ready to sleep now just before 8am. There’s no rhyme no reason. It’s unexpected but overreacting will only make it worse.
This is going to be yet another ridiculous day brought to me by fibromyalgia.
The symptoms today – exhaustion, brain fog, swollen eyes and sharp pain wherever, whenever it wants to take over. The triggers just a change in the weather but that’s really all it takes.
Yesterday kicked off what will likely be another sweltering hot summer with humidity reigning King. Eventually I’ll adjust, I love the heat and summer is my favourite season. Today however I’m reminded that I’m actually a disabled person. The heat and humidity are definite enemies of my heart and lung challenges. Now my fibromyalgia has launched its own ship into the battle. These weather reactions are usually saved for cold, snow or extreme wet conditions. I’ve always considered heat and sunshine my friend. More proof that the war on fibromyalgia leaves you friendless and often alone. Systematically it robs you of everything you consider an asset, sometimes after a good fight you win it back sometimes you don’t.
This is my disease, specific to my physiology. Other people suffer their own version. We may celebrate similar symptoms but how we feel, cope and deal with them will always be different.
I’m a fighter. Always looking for the best solution for me. After years of suffering, trying and often failing I’ve created a set of rules and actions to see me through. Fibromyalgia reactions that used to take weeks to beat I can overcome in days and as in this case I’m hoping a day.
So what will I do today? How will I try to turn the poor start to my day around?
Rest; all day, maybe nap, but I won’t for long because I still want to keep my sleep schedule. Anything else could actually cause more problems than a nap would help.
Drink a cup of THC tea. Take an OTC anti-inflammatory if I absolutely have to. I don’t take any prescription level narcotics. I only take the OTC drugs when I absolutely have to a few times a month. My goal is to not take them at all. The THC tea I brew whenever I need to and when I’m staying home. It’s calming. It numbs the pain to the point of acceptance. I will never need to see a rehab doctor for my cup of tea. I can’t say that to be true of the slippery slope offered by prescription options.
I will eat healthy anti-inflammatory foods. Lots of mineral filled greens and steak. Steak is my go to protein for fighting pain. Not tenderloin a big fatty bone in rib steak will be my choice. Soup made with my home made bone broth. At least twice. The collagen, fat, vitamins and minerals will go a long way in the healing process. Some stretches. Some meditation. A really good foot massage. After all that hopefully I can keep any new symptoms from joining the fray and I can keep these ones to a dull roar of complaint.
Hopefully tomorrow I’ll return to my life. That’s not really as exciting as it sounds. I might be feeling better, but all of the people around me who resent and are literally jealous of my chronic illness won’t be over it. I can’t wait for the sceptical looks, prying questions and sarcastic comments that accompany my absences. I’ll never stop being amazed at how many sad people there are in the world that actually jealous of my sickness. People who think the frequent flyer miles on my health card are a vacation. People who actually think their job is more demanding than my race to live; people who assume because they would exploit the situation and go out of their way to seek sympathy that I too do the same, are horrible people. They automatically assume that I too am a horrible person too and judge me so.
I am not. If you don’t know the full details of my fight it’s because I don’t go around sharing them for sympathy. The empty sounds of sympathetic words don’t make me feel better. People who think they’re being empathetic by saying “well I have lots of pain maybe I have fibro too” or “I know your pain, I twisted my ankle” are 100% wrong. There’s no empathy involved in you marginalizing what you cannot begin to comprehend. Your right now, but fixable pain is no comparison to the never ending, unexpected and unexplainable pain I deal with every day. I cannot stress this enough it’s not treatment for fibro you need; if you are jealous of a sick person and their forced lack of activity and paused life you likely need some help in another department. Likely if you’ve offended me I’ve suggested some ways for you to get it.
So this person is retiring to the sofa for the rest of the day. No social media. No phones. Just me, my many many four legged supporters and a pile of comics. I’ll deal with the stress of the jealous people by ignoring them. I’ll deal with tomorrow when it comes. Tomorrow feels a long time away. In my fibromyalgia filled world tomorrow could actually feel like entering an entire new dimension. I hope it’s the dimension where I’m ready to take on the world; not the one where my bed is still calling.