I am often referred to as a wommin of great mystery, an enigma a puzzle that leaves people scrambling for the pieces. Sounds sexy right? Every man’s dream, every wommin’s envy?
It’s really not. I’m really not. I’m not a sexual mystery. I’m not an international spy. I am however a medical mystery that’s so complicated it took 37 doctors that I can count, so likely more, to get me to the first step of solving it.
Along the way I’ve been insulted, marginalized and out right denied medical care because one facet of the mystery is my fatness. Forget that I’ve literally been sick since my first health crisis at 18 minutes old, I had 36 doctors, plus their staff and endless emergency room staff assure me that my only health problem is me. After all fat people deserve their health problems. They’ve created them themselves. I know this to be true because I’ve read it on the internet. We all know everything on the internet is true; couple that with the stereophonic sounds of nurses, X-ray/nuclear medicine techs, dieticians and people from every other feeder industry to medicine and the doctors themselves all repeating the same sound reel. FAT must be the only culprit. Forget all the other symptoms. Ignore the biggest fact that most of what is actually wrong with me causes obesity; especially the large heart attack stomach type of obesity I celebrate.
It turns out with the help of doctor 37 and a few more since than I’ve learned that my broken body isn’t completely my fault. Sure last year when my mom died and I soothed myself with cookies I made my issues worse, but the root cause lies in the unexplained moments of my childhood. The crisis at 18 mins in, multiple ambulance trips and extended stays in the local hospital because of seizures, convulsions and heart stoppage (literally restarted multiple times), migraines from the age of 4 not to mention morbid obesity from toddler age. Thirty six doctors in my adulthood and a plethora more from my childhood all agreed the root cause of all my mysteries is only my fat therefore even at 3 years old it was my fault. “Push her away from the table” or “just take her fork away” were the broken records of advice to my 70s parents. Kudos to them for not accepting that answer and taking me to more and more doctors demanding a better one! By the time I was 7 doctors had prescribed me the cottage cheese lettuce diet, these chewy gross chemical caramels called AIDS (long before the disease) and finally my first diet pill. Anyone know what diet pills in the 70’s amounted to? Speed yes speed. So before the age of 10 I was forced to take weight loss drugs, eat diet supplements and follow harmful diets that showed no results. My parents and societies obsession with my obesity sickened my broken body further; not once did any of these horrible actions offer any repair or relief.
In the past two years I’ve learned a lot about my health issues and it hasn’t been an easy journey.
On Feb 28, 2018 I had one of the worst doctors’ appointments ever and that’s saying a lot. I had a specialist, who I feel has become nothing more than a pharmaceutical rep, tell me he hopes I have narcolepsy so that I can be medicated with amphetamines and lose weight. Well the joke would be on him. Been there done that before I was 10. The irresponsible doctors who fed horrible drugs to a young child assumed they’d get the same results. I’ve stayed fat the whole time and if I continue to follow doctor recommendations I’ll just get fatter.
We know I have diabetes, a leaky heart valve (from birth), sleep apnea and pulmonary hypertension caused by undiagnosed sleep apnea, fibromyalgia and the many many complications it brings. Currently there is a thought that I could have narcolepsy or another undiagnosed sleep issue because while better my problems are still life inhibiting.
Shortly after that disgusting doctor’s appointment I made a decision for myself. Regardless of the problem all of them share a single facet that isn’t obesity its inflammation. So my current path is one to beat inflammation. It’s some crazy diet changes. Some added minerals, vitamins and fatty acids. A whole new outlook with the future I want not the one doctor’s prescribe.
I’m hoping to solve the mystery myself. By unraveling the past and addressing the root causes I hopefully will be able to control – not cure – all that ails me. Cures are miracles yet to be seen, control is much more realistic to aim for.
Join me as I solve this life-long mystery and I fight to take my life back.